My work in progress novel, Softening, is set in a meditation class. That’s not accidental. I originally wanted to write about group meditation and all the weird and wonderful things I’ve witnessed over the years. It was only later, when I learned about narrative structure, that Softening became a romance.
But meditation remains essential to the story. Meditation is the water that all the characters swim in, and it is the indicting incident that brings the romantic leads together. They discuss it, they try different techniques out, they sneak off for kisses when they should be doing it. Softening is about stillness, simplicity and romance.
I don’t just write about meditation though, I practice it too, and I have for over twenty years. I don’t make any great claims for myself as a meditator. I’ve probably only being concentrating for a fraction of that time.
So, this is what I’ve been up to during those twenty years. This is my meditation practice.
When
I’m not a morning person, but I am a morning meditator. I get up at 5.30 a.m. every morning and that’s my time for meditation. A shower, and a drink of water then it’s on the cushion. It’s always been the best time for me. My mind is clearest and the potential of the new day gives the meditation a certain something.
More recently, I’ve been able to meditate during the evening too. Previously it felt like my mind was full of bees, and the quality of meditation was really unpleasant. Now I’ve been diagnosed and treated for ADHD that’s changed. The quality of my experience is a lot clearer later in the day, and the consequent meditations much more pleasant. I’m much more inclined for an evening sit.
How Long For
Any length of time spent meditating is a benefit – I truly believe that. I find stories of people meditating for hours on end off-putting. Whatever time can be spent sitting quietly is good. My standard practice is between 20 and 30 minutes. When I’m meditating as part of a group, or on retreat it can be longer – 40 minutes seems to be the standard then.
The longest I’ve ever meditated is an hour, and that is vanishingly infrequent. I can’t imagine meditating longer than that; my legs would start to cramp up and I’d be back to unpleasant meditation.
Where
I’ve a spot in my bedroom for my sits. The meditation cushion, yoga blocks and dusty brown blanket are always set up, so I can slide into a meditation with the minimum of fuss. I’ve a collection of pictures, symbols and objects that I meditate in front of. They’ve collected over the years, and most have been given to me by friends, one of whom has died. Bringing people to mind is often part of the meditation, so the objects and symbols help, and as the years go on they feel more significant and connecting.
Other than that, I go on retreat a couple of times a year to various places and attend group meditation every month or so.
What Kind Of Meditation
Meditation isn’t just one thing. In Softening, every chapter (until the finale) features a different kind. These are my core practices, plus a few others I do less frequently.
Mindfulness of Breathing
Basic breath awareness. The quality of attention can be very focused or broader and more inclusive. I struggle with concentration so I favour a broader quality.
Metta Bhavana
Metta is the quality of kindly awareness. The meditation is to bring yourself, a friend, a neutral person, and a person you are finding difficult to mind, with that quality of kindness. At the end, all those people and considered as one and the practice broadens to include all beings.
Meditators frequently find this practice difficult, though some naturally flow into it. I try to bring a sense of this difficulty into Softening in the Kindness Chapter.
Just Sitting
The least structured of all the core practices. The meditation is to sit and be with whatever comes up. At the time of writing this is my main practice. There is a lot going on and sitting and being with that feels right and helpful.
Chanting
This is the ultimate squirm during beginner’s classes. It’s so outside of the Western experience that a lot of people find it unbearable, and are likely to flee if it is inflicted on them. I spared the characters in Softening any chanting – they’ve got enough to put up with. It took me a decade to come to terms with the practice, but now it’s a delight. I frequently begin a meditation with a five minute chant – if it’s not too early so I don’t annoy the neighbours.
Interestingly, an Indian lady I work with chants every morning in front of a Hindu shrine and has done since she was young. Embarrassment around this practice is purely cultural. It still doesn’t prevent the Western buttocks from clenching if they are exposed to it though.
Visualisation
I do this mostly on retreat, but increasingly at home too. Visualisation of mythic figures and symbols is a common practice, but again one that is less familiar to people in the West. I did inflict this on the characters in Softening. I’ve been close to taking out the scene where they discuss their difficulties with it – but each time I read it, I like it. I force them to do a White Tara visualisation – just because I really (really, really) like White Tara. I strongly suspect that scene won’t get through the full beta read though, which will be a shame.
Why
I fundamentally believe that everyone would benefit from a decent meditation practice, and probably from a patchy half-hearted meditation practice too. I’m no exception – so I meditate. Jonathan Haidt puts it best in The Happiness Hypothesis:
Suppose you read about a pill that you could take once a day to reduce anxiety and increase your contentment, would you take it? Suppose further the pill has a great variety of side effects, all of them good: increased self-esteem, empathy, and trust; it even improves memory. Suppose, finally the pill is all natural and costs nothing. Now would you take it?
The pill exists. It is meditation.
I take the pill.
Photo by Billy Huynh on Unsplash
